


Playing on Heartstrings

by serenehowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Biphobia, Friends to Lovers, High School AU, Kinda fluff, M/M, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Violinist!Phil, idk how to tag for shit lol, kinda angst, musician au, pianist!Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6980701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenehowell/pseuds/serenehowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misery is the only thing Dan Howell gains from playing the piano along with his mother's disappointment. Will it take a certain ebony haired violinist to change his perspective on what he used to hold so dear?</p><p>Loosely inspired by <em>Your Lie In April</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Playing on Heartstrings

**Author's Note:**

> [Link to the piece mentioned.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I8QFHrPSYTA) I recommend listening to it purely because it's such a beautiful piece and I listened to it on a loop when I started writing this.
> 
> Read on tumblr ([x](http://serenehowell.tumblr.com/post/145064171430/playing-on-heartstrings))

He felt alive as soon as his fingers touch the keys. The sweet melodies being released flowed through his whole body. He was at one with the music, it was just him and the piano, completely in sync.

That's how it used to be, before the notes lost their sound. Their purpose, to bring happiness, had disappeared, meaning they may have not existed at all for Dan. He misses the days of his youth, when he could gain enjoyment from playing the instrument. But now, it's only endless practicing and chastising from his overbearing mother.

It all started when Dan was 11. He had been playing the piano for a few years, even entering some local competitions. Granted, he never placed first, but that didn't matter to Dan. He was able to do the thing he enjoyed most in the world, that was just as big of an accomplishment as winning. Unfortunately, that was not enough for his mother.

"Mum! I can't believe I was 3rd! That's the highest I've ever placed!" Dan beamed, a huge grin on his face.

"But, It's not first, is it? I'm increasing your rehearsal time, an extra hour everyday. I'm disappointed in you Dan, you should be doing better by now."

Disappointed 

That one word shook young Dan to the core. He would rather his mother was angry and shouted at him than be disappointed in him. From that moment on, he only had one purpose when he was playing, never to disappoint his mother again.

~

"Dannnnn, please come over so I can thrash you at Mario Kart," Phil pleaded down the phone.

"I'm sorry Phil, I've got a competition on Sunday, Mum said I need to do some extra practice. Anyway, it would be me thrashing you at Mario Kart." Dan ran his fingers through his hair, feeling slightly guilty at having to let Phil down. Again.

"But you're 17 now, your Mum can't keep bossing you around anymore!" This was too often of an occurrence, Phil’s requests to hang out being rejected because of Dan’s excessive rehearsal schedule.

"She's not bossing me around! It could have been my decision to practice more!" Dan threw his hands in the air in exasperation, they always seemed to be having this argument.

"We both know that's a lie Dan." He couldn't argue with that, despite how hard he wanted to deny it.

"I've gotta go now, see you later," Dan mumbled before hanging up. Phil was right. He was still under his mother's control, even though he was old enough to make his own choices. Yet, he was too scared to defy her. He wanted to please her, make her happy, _not disappoint her_. But, that still didn't happen. Every time he placed first, there was still something wrong with his performance, still something more to offer. Dan started to accept that his best just wasn't good enough. He yearned to return to the days when playing brought joy to his life, not constant misery.

When he was 12, he met Phil. He was a fellow musician, a violinist. They were both taking part in a school concert and instantly bonded over their shared love of bands and video games. Unlike Dan, Phil actually enjoyed playing his instrument. He was considered to be a natural, he required hardly any practice, which annoyed Dan to no end. Phil came from a family of musicians, so it wasn't surprising when he took an interest in the violin. Dan had seen him around at competitions, but never talked to him until they both started at the same secondary school. He was always envious of the passion Phil clearly displayed while he was playing, something Dan hadn't felt for years.

"Daniel, I can't hear you playing," His mother yelled up the stairs.

Sighing, Dan dragged his feet to the piano in his bedroom. He started to recite one of the same old pieces he plays for every competition, long ingrained into his memory. He feels like a machine, churning out the notes like he was programmed to, nothing more than a piece of metal. All he can hear is white noise, completely lacking any emotion.

In frustration, he slammed down harder onto the keys, producing a horrific racket. He couldn't bring himself to care though. This piano had caused him so much pain, he was going to do the same back to it. His fingers had started to ache from how furiously he was pressing, but he was completely lost in his own rage. 

He was angry. Angry at his mum. Angry at the piano. _Angry at himself._. He needed to calm down, to clear his head. He immediately reached over to his phone, dialling the familiar number.

“You were right Phil,” Dan hated admitting to Phil that he was wrong, “My mum is pushing me into things I don’t want to do and I’m sick of it!”

Phil sighed deeply down the phone. “I think you should stop and take a break. Come round mine and relax for a little bit, ok?”

Dan contemplated for a moment, chewing his lip. “Yeah, that’s a good idea, I’ll be round in 15 minutes.”

Dan ended the call and pulled a hoodie over his head. He could hear his mother stomping up the stairs, coming to investigate the noises from Dan's room.

"Daniel, what the…" She started, with Dan interrupting before she had a chance to finish.

"I'm going to Phil's, see you later," Dan muttered as he pushed his mother who was now standing in the doorframe.

"Come back here! I did not give you permission young man!"

"I don't _fucking_ care!" Dan shouted as he slammed the front door.

He stormed down the street to Phil's house, desperate to get away from his mother. Arriving at his best friend's house, he knocked on the door and was immediately greeted with a large embrace.

"I have some cookie dough ice cream in the freezer, we'll go get that and then talk about it, alright?" Phil mumbled into Dan's shoulder. Dan nodded softly as they headed to the kitchen, breaking the hug. 

~

"I'm just so fed up Phil," Dan started while digging his spoon into the ice cream tub,"Performing used to mean everything to me, now I dread every time I have to sit on that piano stool. I just don't get any joy from playing."

"I don't think you should be doing so many competitions. They are obviously causing unnecessary stress that you don’t need right now in your life!" Dan wasn't the only one who was fed up. It destroyed Phil every time he had to see his best friend standing at his doorstep in tears. 

Dan gasped slightly at the almost outrageous proposal. "Do less competitions? You know I can't do that, my mum will kill me!"

"That's the whole issue Dan! Your mum is trying to live out her own dreams through you! She failed as a pianist, so she tried again with you."

Dan winced slightly at the words. But they were true. His mother tried to have a career as a musician, but when she didn't get into music school, she gave up. It was easy to imagine her joy when her son announced he wanted to play the piano and _that he was actually quite decent at it_. 

"But what do I do Phil?" Dan sighed as he flopped his head onto the other boy's lap. "I've tried talking to mum but she just dismisses me and tells me to practice more."

Phil slowly started to run his fingers through Dan's hair. "This can't carry on anymore, Dan. You shouldn't be breaking down every time you play the piano." 

"I know, I know," he mumbled. Dan couldn't begin to describe how grateful he was to have Phil. Before they met, he had some friends, but he never had a _best_ friend. Since then, Phil was always there for him. Whether it was ranting at him at 3am about the meaning of life or crying because he did badly in a competition, he could rely on Phil. At 15, he was the first person Dan came out as bisexual to, with Phil doing the same right afterwards. Sometimes the lines of their relationship can be blurred, but Dan was happy with whatever it is they have.

~

After a Death Note marathon and several rounds of Mario Kart, in which Phil was completely annihilated, Dan decided he needed to face the wrath of his mother. The constant ringing of his phone showed he needed to get home soon.

"Noooo, don't go Danny!" Phil grabbed hold of Dan’s sleeve as he attempted to escape and pulled him back towards him.

"I don't want to go either, but I'm already in so much shit, I don't want to get into more trouble." He sighed, not wanting to comprehend what he was going to face when he got home.

"You know you can ring me if you need anything, ok?" Phil pulled him into another tight hug, refusing to let go.

"Ok, really, really gotta go now." Dan broke away, heading for the door. He gave Phil one last wave before making the journey back to his house. 

As soon as he got home, he was greeted with the absolutely delightful shouting of his mother. With her constantly seeming to be pissed off, Dan used a scale of 1-10 to judge how genuinely mad she was. There was no doubt she was an 11 .

"DANIEL JAMES HOWELL WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT EARLIER, YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW." His mother's words felt like he had ran into a brick wall the moment he entered the house.

"Well hello to you too mum," Dan sarcastically retorted.

"I want none of that cheek from you! Explain to me why you were abusing the piano like that! You could have broken it, you know how expensive it was!" 

Dan laughed bitterly. "Is that all you care about? _A fucking piano_!"

"Don't use that language with me mister!" She pointed her finger accusingly at Dan.

"Your son was having a breakdown over the pressure you put on him. But oh no, gotta think about the _poor piano_!"

"This is no way to treat your mother! Don't think you're gonna get away with this!"

"No way to treat you? Think about how you've been treating me for the past 6 years of my life!" Dan didn't try to stop the tears from rolling down his face. "You only think of me as some piano playing robot who's expected to win every competition. You barely know me, the only time you talk to me is to shout at me when I'm practicing!"

"You know that's not true!"

"It is actually. You never knew I was bi, did you? That I’ve been out snogging guys behind your back!” Dan was taken aback by his own admission. He hadn’t meant to say those words as they slipped out during his state of anger. But there was no going back now. 

His mother's face dropped. She started to speak slowly and quietly, the anger still audible in her voice. "Daniel, go to your room. Now."

"But…"

"I said now!"

Dan sulked up the stairs, still in slight shock over the events that had just occurred. He collapsed straight onto his bed, staring at the ceiling for what felt like eternity, lost in his own thoughts. He snapped out of those thoughts when he heard a gentle knock on his door.

"Come in," he said through gritted teeth.

"I don't want you to speak, just listen to me. I've decided on your punishment…" Even though she had stopped shouting, her piercing green eyes bore into Dan, her rage evident.

"Punishment?"

"Listen to me!” She harshly snapped her bony fingers to get Dan’s attention. “You are now on a curfew so you don’t get up to anything funny with any boys. I considered you having a meeting with Father Paul about your little 'confession' to see if he can get some sense into you, but it's probably just a phase so I'm not too concerned, you’ll be over it soon enough.” 

Dan stared blankly at his mum, unsure about how to react. He choked out a quiet "Yes Mum" just so she could leave before he started to cry again. He fell asleep right there and then, too exhausted from the events of that day.

~

The next day at school, Phil practically ran up to Dan when he entered their tutor room.

"How did things with your mum go?” Phil paused for a moment before excitedly adding on, “Oh, and I kinda need to ask you something that is >em>very interesting!”

Dan tried to put on a weak smile to not dishearten Phil, but it was to no use. The emotions of what had happened the night before were still strong. “Well it went kinda shit if I’m quite honest. I accidentally came out and it went as horribly as I imagined it would.”

"Fuck, I'm so sorry." Phil placed a sympathetic hand on Dan’s shoulder as an act of comfort.

"I’m fine I suppose…" Dan trailed off, staring down at the floor. “Anyway, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

"Well you know I've got that national violin competition in Manchester coming up?"

"Yeah…"

"WellIneedanaccompanistformycompetitionbecausemyusualoneisonholidayIknowyourmumwon'tletyoubutpleasewillyoudoitforme?" Phil rushed out.

"Wait, slow down."

"I need an accompanist for my competition on the 23rd of April and I'm hoping you will do it for me?" Phil asked, nibbling on his lip anxiously.

"Phil! You know I can't do that, never in a million years will she let me do that. Plus, it doesn’t help that I’m on a fucking curfew!"

"Pleaseeeee! I'm desperate! It will be a fun weekend away, just the two of us!" Phil begged, clasping his hands together in desperation.

"Let me think about it, ok?" Dan compromised, still wary of agreeing. 

"Fine.” Phil sighed, rolling his eyes slightly.

However, Phil seemed to interpret "let me think about it" as "nag me every five minutes about it". Throughout the day, Phil relentlessly asked Dan if he had made his mind up yet, but still not receiving a clear answer.

_"Have you decided yet?"_

_"No."_

_"So you know…"_

_"No."_

_"Dan…"_

_"No."_

_"H…"_

_"NO."_

Phil was not ready to give up. Dan was going to be his accompanist, whether he liked it or not. He resorted to begging, just in the hope he might agree. At lunch, he tried his luck again. "Please Dan, can you just do this for me? It will be really great practice and you will be doing me a MASSIVE favour!"

Dan had just about had enough of Phil's behaviour. "You know what, fine. I'll do your fucking competition."

Relieved that he managed to convince him, Phil squealed and pulled Dan into a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You so owe me…"

To say Dan was apprehensive was an understatement. He knew that his mother would go ballistic so to say the least, he was fucked.

~

The first rehearsal took place later that evening at Phil's house. He played a recording to Dan from YouTube of his chosen piece, _Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso_ by Camille Saint-Saëns. Dan had always admired this piece and couldn't deny his excitement when Phil had announced he had chosen it. The pair listened in utter silence, allowing themselves to be fully immersed in the enchanting melodies. Despite his personal hatred for performing, Dan still had a deep appreciation for classical music. When the recording finished, Dan turned to Phil with a slightly anxious expression

"Are you sure you can do this Phil? It's hardly the easiest piece to play."

"Are you sure you want to underestimate my talents?" Phil responded with a smirk. "I've already started to learn it, so you're the one with some catching up to do."

Dan rolled his eyes as Phil handed over the sheet music. This would be the first new music Dan had learnt in years, and to say he was apprehensive was hardly an exaggeration. But this was for Phil, his best friend, he had to do it.

"I only know a small bit, but do you wanna hear what I've got so far?"

Dan nodded a bit too eagerly. One of his favourite things ever was listening to Phil performing. His friend had a certain ability to captivate the audience, it was almost as if being put under a spell. 

Any previous concerns Dan had before dispersed once Phil started playing. Sweet tunes produced by Phil's violin filled the room, taking away Dan’s breath. Phil was so lost and entranced in his performance, and Dan thought that was absolutely stunning. He had forgotten how utterly devoted one person can be to their instrument, but Phil made him remember. He could remember the sensation of being completely overwhelmed and exhilarated by your own music, but he couldn't _feel_ those emotions, he only had the memories. 

Dan was brought back to Earth when Phil suddenly stopped playing. The violinist scratched the back of his neck with a sheepish grin on his face.

“I know it wasn’t great, and I messed up in some places, and it was only a few minutes of it, and…”

Dan interrupted Phil’s silly blabbering. “Phil, are you kidding me? That was _fucking amazing_! I’m proud of you.”

Phil beamed at Dan’s compliment, knowing how genuine it was. “Thank you,” he replied quietly, the fondness clear in his voice, “Do you want to start going over your part? We can use my mum’s piano downstairs.”

Dan shook his head, a slight frown on his face. “I need to get back to hell before I break my curfew, we can start another day.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine, I’ll show you out then.” Phil couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment at having to let Dan leave.

When Dan returned home, he found his mother waiting expectantly for him in the living room. Before he even had a chance to take his jacket off, his mother started bombarding him with questions.

“Where have you been? You should have started your rehearsal an hour ago. Have you forgotten you have a competition in _four days_?”

“I was just at Phil’s, mum, I sent you a text saying I was going round and I’m back before curfew,” Dan started walking up the stairs, desperate to get away from his mother’s nagging, “And no, I have not forgotten about the competition, I’ll start practice now…”

“You’re round Phil’s a lot,” Dan froze on the stairs, “After what you told me yesterday, how am I meant to know nothing funny is going on?”

“Me and Phil are just friends, I can assure you that _nothing_ is going on.” Now Dan was even more desperate to escape his mother.

“Hmmm, alright, just start playing now, we don’t want to waste anymore time.” His mother reluctantly dropped the subject, but Dan could tell that she was still suspicious. It wasn't surprising bearing in mind how much time they spent with each other. They’ve even been asked in school if they were couple, to which both denied with a chuckle. But Dan couldn't deny that he sometimes wondered _what if they actually were together_? 

~

Dan came second in his competition on Sunday, which obviously did not please his mother. Phil of course rang Dan immediately afterwards to congratulate him, but he still couldn't help feeling unsatisfied with his performance. Until he went to Manchester, Dan had no more competitions, lifting a _teeny_ weight off his shoulders. But, he still had learning Phil’s piece to worry about, so was far from completely relaxing.

Fed up with his mother screaming at him because of his performance, Dan made his way to Phil’s house, searching for some sympathy. They both ended up lying on Phil’s bed, only semi concentrating on some crappy romcom. The two of them were closely snuggled together, with Dan resting his head on Phil’s chest. It was moments like these that Dan cherished the most, the ones when he was totally at peace. 

“So have you started rehearsing yet?” Phil asked, interrupting a horrifically cliched scene in the film.

“Ummm, yeah, just a little bit,” Dan lied. 

Dan still hadn't made any effort to start learning the new piece, not because he was procrastinating, but because he was scared. He was _scared_ of not doing it justice, he was scared it was too difficult for him,and most of all _he was scared of disappointing Phil_. In Dan’s opinion, Phil’s talents were way superior to his, and he felt he couldn't possibly match them. He thought he would only drag Phil down, messing up his performance.

_No._

Phil asked him to do it, Phil _chose_ him, _Phil believed in him._

~

Dan was so fucked. He sometimes felt like the universe was against him, always trying to mess his life up. His mother had stopped complaining about his ‘inadequate’ performance for a few minutes to inform him of another competition. 

On April 23rd. The day of Phil’s competition.

It would be an absolutely ludicrous idea for Dan to try and convince his mother let him drop out. When he had suggested it before, he learnt that he should never ask again. He contemplated for few minutes what he should do. 

_I’m going to have to drop out of Phil’s._

Dan was devastated that he had came to that conclusion. He hated that he was letting Phil down, but what else could he do? He was definitely not prepared to try and persuade his mum to let him go to Manchester, that would be infeasible. Unfortunately, Phil would just have to lose his accompanist.

Dan was already making his way to Phil’s house, preparing to break the bad news. Phil was rather surprised to see Dan turn up at his doorstep without any notice, but welcomed him in anyway. He was concerned, but had reason to be, Dan only came unannounced when something bad had happened at home. Dan ran his fingers through his hair, a habit Phil realised he did when he was nervous about something. 

“So, is there something you need to talk about?” Phil started, trying to get Dan to explain why he seemed so anxious.

“Well…” Dan trailed off. He felt horrific about having to do this, but there was no other way. “I can’t come to Manchester with you.”

“What!” Phil exclaimed, eyes wide in shock. “Why? If you’re doubting your abilities you shouldn't, I know you’re good enough.” He was always the first to praise Dan for his playing, much more than his mother did.

Dan shook his head. “No, it’s not that. My mum told me she had entered me into another competition on the same day, there’s no way she will let me go now.” 

A downcast look was clear on Phil’s face. Dan pulled him into a hug to try and comfort him. Phil started sobbing faintly into his shoulder, making him feel worse.

Dan started rubbing Phil’s back, and spoke softly into his ear. “Hey, I’m sure you can find someone else.”

Phil lifted his head up, looking directly at Dan. “But you don’t understand, there _isn't_ anyone else, you were my last resort and…” Phil paused, coming to a sudden realisation. “I’m going to be disqualified! I can’t perform without an accompanist!” He pulled his knees up to his chest, starting to frantically ramble. “This was my big chance! I could have been noticed! I could have got a scholarship and gone to music school in London! Now I can't, and, and…” Phil’s increasingly heavy sobs trapped his words in his throat, leaving him unable to speak.

Dan felt unbelievably guilty. He hadn't understood how much this competition meant to Phil, seeing him so devastated broke Dan’s heart. He had to do something, _anything_ to fix the situation. He made his mind up, probably regretting his decision later.

“You know what, fuck my competition! You’re my best friend and I’m going to support you!” Dan proclaimed defensively. He had to admit, he was proud for that the first time in his life, he was actually standing up to his mother. Phil’s face erupted into a huge smile, instantly making Dan pleased with his choice. Before he had time to worry about how on Earth he would approach his mother about Manchester, Phil flung himself onto Dan, leaving him lying flat on his back with Phil right on top of him. Phil pulled himself up, still straddling Dan’s hips. The pair stayed in that position for a few moments, not daring to move, Dan eventually pushing himself up until Phil was sitting in his lap. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest; his breathes becoming shorter and shorter. The world around him may as well disappear, as all he could focus on was Phil. The gap between them was decreasing by the second, until their foreheads were finally touching. Dan closed his eyes, and-

Their lips collided, driven by the overwhelming feelings of passion and desire. Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s black locks, fuelled by the need to be closer to him. Dan could hardly believed what was happening, it felt wrong, but oh so right at the same time. The kiss ended far too quickly for Dan’s liking, years of built up feelings left him wanting more. He gazed deeply into Phil’s azure eyes, feeling like he was floating in a serene ocean. He wished he could stay in that moment forever, when he didn't have a care in the world, when everything was perfect.

Their foreheads stayed connected, sitting in silence, not wanting to disturb the feeling of euphoria. Dan was the first to brake it.

“Well that was…nice,” Dan stammered out, finding it difficult to formulate words.

“Really? All you can think of is _nice_?”

“Ok, it was very nice.” Phil retaliated to the comment by whacking a cushion around Dan’s face. “Hey!”

~

_All eyes were on him. Not one sound could be heard, the loudest thing in the theatre was Dan’s heart beat. He shot a glance over to Phil, hoping seeing his face would help to calm his nerves. He hadn't felt this way about a competition for years. For once, he was actually scared._

_He took a deep breath and, gently pressed down on the keys, marking the beginning of the piece. Phil joined in soon after, creating a combination of piano and violin, working with each other in perfect harmony. The two instruments merging together created one bewitching sound._

_And then Dan freezes. The muscles in his hands refuse to move, silencing the piano. He urges, begs, his hands to do something, but nothing happens. The performance was effectively ruined, stopping at any point was an automatic disqualification. He messed up, everything was ruined for Phil. Worse still-_

_He had disappointed Phil._

The world faded to black as Dan awoke from his nightmare. Sweat plastered his hair to his forehead. He wiped his damp cheeks with his duvet. Reaching over to his bedside table, he checked the time on his phone. 5:14am. With two hours until he had to wake up for school, there was no way he would get back to sleep again. He tried passing the time by browsing on the internet, but was instantly bored within 10 minutes. Sighing, he flopped back down onto his bed, resorting to staring at the ceiling until he had to get ready. He was half tempted to practice Phil’s piece which he _still_ hadn't started, but didn't want to risk waking his mother. Attempting to get back to sleep, Dan cocooned himself in his duvet, but he was still unable to get off. Eventually, he fell into an uneasy slumber, distressing thoughts appearing every now and again.

~

After a lack of sleep the night before, the school day seemed to drag on twice as long. The best parts of Dan’s day was when he was Phil, everything seemed to improve when he was with him. They were sitting together in English, completely ignoring their teacher waffling on about Lady Macbeth’s mental stability, engrossed in their own conversation.

“Do you think you would be ready to start practicing together soon? I’ve almost got it all down,” Phil asked Dan, clutching his hand under the table.

Dan paused, feeling slightly about guilty lying to Phil. He decided to come clean. “I kinda…haven't started yet.”

Phil sighed. “Dannnn, but you said that you started ages ago!”

“I’m sorry! I’ve just been…busy.”

Phil rolled his eyes, knowing that is obviously wasn't true. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he dismissed, “Could you just get started on it soon though? We don't have that long left.”

Dan placed a peck on Phil’s cheek. “I will, ok. I promise.”

Phil blushed slightly at the gesture, still absolutely smitten with Dan. They made their relationship ‘official’ not long after the kiss, unsurprisingly for their friends from school. One of the guys in their English class, Chris, even revealed that there were bets on when they were going to get together.

"I love you Dan," Phil whispered softly. Some fake gagging noises could be heard to the left of Phil.

“You guys are gross, winning that twenty quid was not worth it…” Chris mumbled.

“Fuck off Chris,” Dan retorted in a light tone. He knew that him and Phil were that soppy, romantic couple. But to be quite honest, he didn't care.

~

The week before Manchester rolled around all too soon for Dan. Despite being able to play with only a few tiny mistakes, he was still incredibly nervous. For once, he actually cared about a competition. He was used to only having to please his mother, something he could never how hard he tried. But now, Phil was relying on him. Phil his boyfriend. Phil who he cared so much about. Messing it up for Phil would be infinitely worse than messing it up for himself.

The issue of the Manchester competition was also playing on Dan’s mind. Yes, he had a plan. But, that plan would most likely get him disowned by his mother. 

Dan sorted the arrangements out with Phil. The competition was early Saturday morning meaning they would have to catch a train the day before. To avoid his mother, he was going to quickly dash home from school, grab his stuff before his mum finished work. Dan understood the ridiculous amount of trouble he would get in when his mum found out, but it was totally worth it for Phil.

~

The rest of the week flew by as Friday arrived much quicker then Dan had expected. Everything was prepped and ready to go. His bag was already packed to avoid a last minute panic so the pair could hurry to the station to get their 3:47 train.

At 3:29, Dan came crashing through his front door, half sprinting up the stairs to retrieve his bag. He scribbled out a quick note to his mum so she knew that he hadn’t been abducted or anything. Phil stood at the end of the pathway, ready to run with Dan to take a bus to the station. The ride was at least 10 minutes long so the pair were really pushing for time.

“Hurry up!” Phil shouted as soon as Dan reappeared. “We can’t miss the bus or we’re completely fucked!”

Luckily, the bus stop was only a couple of minutes away from Dan’s house. But, if they were to catch the bus on time, they would need to run.

“You know,” Dan gasped out, “I think this is the most exercise I’ve done since we stopped doing P.E lessons.”

“Yeah, I think so too,” Phil choked out, equally out of breath, “I’m glad we don’t have to do P.E anymore in year 12!”

The stop came into view, with the bus quickly approaching. Only just getting there on time, Dan and Phil stumbled onto the bus, receiving weird looks from other passengers about their worn out appearances. They were both agitated throughout the ride, anxious about missing their train. 

The bus couldn’t pull up outside the station any quicker. They were the first off, which almost resorted in Phil knocking over an elderly lady.

“The train now approaching platform 4 is the 3:47 service to Manchester Piccadilly, calling at Reading…” The announcer’s voice echoed through the station as they dashed through the ticket barriers. They barely made it to the platform in time with only a minute to spare. The couple collapsed into their seats once the train arrived, completely out of breath and with Phil resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

The three hour journey seemed to drag by. Thoughts of his raging mother kept playing on Dan’s mind. She would be at home by now and would have noticed his absence. No doubt she had left many angry text messages, but Dan turned his phone off ages ago. 

Phil tried to cure their boredom with a few rounds of ‘I spy’, but Dan was sick of that game pretty quickly.

“Are you nervous for tomorrow Phil?” Dan piped out of nowhere, an hour away from Manchester.

He contemplated for a moment. “Kinda? Not really? I’m not sure, what about you?”

“I’m pretty nervous,” Dan nibbled on his lip, “But I know you’re gonna be there so that calms me down a bit.”

“I swear to God that is the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said.” He placed a delicate kiss on Dan’s forehead. “What a dork,” Phil muttered under his breath.

“Oi! I heard that!” Dan playfully punched Phil’s arm. “You’re no better with all the soppy things you say to me!”

~

When the train rolled into Manchester Piccadilly, Dan and Phil immediately headed to their hotel. Dan collapsed on the bed as soon as they entered their room.

“I’m knackered,” Dan said, his face buried in the thick duvet.

“How? You’ve been sitting down doing nothing for three hours?”

“Fuck off, I’m tired,” Dan groaned.

“Well don't fall asleep, we’ve got dinner reservations.”

“And _you’re_ the one calling _me_ cheesy.” Dan rolled his eyes, a small smirk on his face.”

“Shut up! It could be at McDonalds for all you know!”

“You can’t make reservations at McDonalds!” Dan retorted, his smirk growing.

Phil grabbed a pillow and threw it at Dan’s head. Dan gasped in mock horror and rubbed the back of his head. 

“Hey! That was not called for! I’m not going to your stupid dinner now.” Dan sat up on the bed and crossed his arms, very much resembling a stubborn toddler.

Phil yanked Dan off the bed by one of his arms causing him fall on the floor with a high pitched yelp.

“C’mon, we need to get ready!” Phil whined, helping Dan up to his feet.

“I hate you!”

Phil grabbed Dan by the waist, holding him close to his own body. "No, you love me," Phil pouted, batting his eyelashes innocently. Dan let out an affectionate sigh, a small smile creeping up on his face. He leaned in for a short and sweet kiss.

"Maybe I don’t hate you,” Dan mumbled when he broke away.

~

The pair wandered through the city, arm in arm, the dark night sky illuminated by the bright lights surrounding them. The nightlife in Manchester was vibrant, people constantly swarming in and out of the multiple bars and restaurants. Dan couldn't care less about anyone else, he was alone with his Phil and nothing could ruin that. Even thoughts about his mother were temporarily pushed to the back of his mind. He took a moment to take in the sight of his boyfriend walking next to him. He couldn't help but stare at the way Phil's cobalt blue shirt brought out his eyes or how his charming smile lit up his face.

"Phil, where are we going? We’ve been walking for ages.” Dan complained, dragging his feet to exaggerate his point.

“We’re almost there you lazy git,” Phil dug around in his trouser pocket, pulling out a small card and handing it over to Dan, “And you will need this.”

“A fake ID?” Dan gave Phil a confused look.

“It would be wrong to enjoy our first romantic dinner together without a bottle of champagne.”

Dan looked down at the card again. “Hey Phil, why have you put my name down as Winston?”

Phil shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve always wanted a friend called Winston.”

"Actually, I take back what I said earlier in the hotel, I do really hate you.”

~

Phil had made reservations for a rather pricey little French restaurant on the edge of the city centre.

“Phil, there’s no way we can afford to eat here,” Dan whispered into Phil’s ear as they were shown to their table.

“It’s fine Dan, think of it as my treat, don't worry about it,” Phil assured whilst sitting down.

Dan was too enticed by the menu to try and argue with him so kept quiet. After the waiter had taken their orders, Dan leaned forwards over to Phil.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Dan asked, his voice soft.

Phil chuckled lightly. “Yes you have. Have those few sips of champagne gone to your head already?”

“I’m not that much of a lightweight,” Dan playfully smacked Phil on the arm. “But seriously, you’ve done so much for me and I could never thank you enough for it.”

“You don't need to…”

“Shush,” Dan interrupted, “I love you so damn much and I don't think I tell you enough…”

“Dannnn…”

“Stop,” Dan giggled, “When times have been shitty, you were a shoulder to cry on, literally. When my mum…” Dan started to choke up, tears forming in his eyes, “Has made me feel worthless, you gave me a sense of belonging in this world. For all these years, you’re the only person who I felt actually cared about me. _I love you_.”

Tears were now streaming down his face; Phil was also starting to well up. 

“Ok, maybe alcohol makes me _slightly_ more emotional.”

"Just a little bit.”

When they finished their meal, Dan and Phil stumbled out of the restaurant after drinking a bit too much champagne. Dan flung his arm around Phil’s shoulder to try and keep himself upright.

“Wow look at us lightweights!” A very tipsy Phil exclaimed, slightly too loudly.

“Ha! Speak for yourself! I’m fiiiiine!” An equally tipsy Dan slurred.

“I think we should get…” Phil paused to yawn, “Back to the hotel, we actually have important shit to do tomorrow.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Dan placed a sloppy kiss on Phil’s lips before losing his balance, resulting in them both toppling over, with Dan lying on top of Phil.

“Get offfff! You’re heavy!” Phil whined.

“Nooooo, you’re comfy, I’m going to fall asleep right…here.” Dan snuggled into Phil’s chest, closing his eyes.

Phil pushed Dan off himself, leaving them lying side by side on the pavement.

“We _really_ need to get back now, I’m getting cold!”

~

Dan awoke the next morning to find himself as a mess of tangled limbs with Phil. The sun shining through the window was far too intense and Phil’s light breathing was deafening.

“Phiiiiil,” Dan gently nudged his boyfriend with what little energy he had, “We drunk way too much last night, everything hurts.”

“Mmmmm,” Phil slowly started to stir, trying to shield his eyes from the beaming rays, “What time is it Dan?”

Dan squinted at his bright phone screen. “11:07, what time do we need to be at the hall?”

“Not until 3, we’ve got some time to recover, I should have have some painkillers in my bag.” Phil pointed half heartedly over to his bag in the corner of the room.

“Hmmm maybe it wasn't the best idea to get hammered the night before a big competition, was it?”

“You can’t deny how much fun we had yesterday night though.” Phil leaned over to kiss Dan, but he pushed away.

"No kisses until you’ve brushed your teeth, you’ve got morning breath and it tastes of stale alcohol.” 

Phil pouted and reluctantly dragged himself to the en suite bathroom. When he returned with minty fresh breath that Dan couldn't complain about, he found his boyfriend already fast asleep again. Deciding another hour of sleep won't hurt his hungover state, Phil slid back into bed, gone within a few minutes.

~

The competition didn't start until 5, leaving time for a last minute rehearsal beforehand at the arranged time of 3. But, that extra hour of sleep turned into an extra four hours.

Dan woke up startled, starting to panic when he saw the time on his phone. 3:18. He tried desperately to wake up Phil by shaking him, but he was quite a deep sleeper.

“Fuck, Phil, wake up!” Still no response. He shook him harder, raising his voice louder.

“WAKE UP PHIL YOU PIECE OF SHIT WE OVERSLEPT YOU ASSHOLE.” Phil’s body was now violently jerking with how hard Dan was shaking him.

“Hmmm, what?” Phil finally came to his senses after the relentless abuse from Dan. “ OK I’M AWAKE!” 

“We’ve missed our rehearsal slot, but we still have time to register if we hurry up.” Dan had already got out of bed and was half dressed, but Phil was still in his underwear.

The boys got ready in record time, with Dan not even bothering to straighten his hair. He was constantly fiddling with it on the bus, but Phil assured that he looked fine, despite Dan hating it's natural state. 

They arrived at The Bridgewater Hall, the venue of the competition, with a mere few minutes before registration closed at 4.

"Are you able to do this without the extra rehearsal?” Phil asked once they got to the room where the other musicians were waiting.

“Yes it's fine, we’ll do great,” Dan reassured, griping Phil’s hand tightly. He couldn't bare to tell Phil how nervous he actually was, that would only unnecessarily worry his boyfriend. Instead, he chose to keep quiet and mentally go through the piece in his head.

_“I have to do this, for Phil.”_

~

The stage lights were almost blinding to Dan as he sat down on the piano stool. All of his senses were in overdrive, everything was just too intense. He blamed that down to both his nerves and remains of his hangover, he just couldn't focus. Even the quietest of sounds and faintest of scents were overwhelming. Skimming over the sheet music, he tried to stop the shaking in his hands. He couldn't understand what he was so scared about. His part was hardly the most complex, Phil had much more work to do than him. 

The audience settled down, indicating their performance was about to begin. Dan took a deep breath, quickly meeting Phil’s gaze for reassurance. Gentle sounds of the piano were emitted as he pressed down on the keys, there was no going back now. He quickly found himself lost in the simple melodies he was creating with Phil, their creations merging into one.

The performance represented their relationship, how two separate people seemed to be so in-tuned with each other. They were best friends. Boyfriends. _Soulmates_.

And that’s all that matters. Despite all the shit he had been through, Dan couldn’t help but feel as if he were on cloud nine being able to perform to an audience with the one he loves so dearly.

Tears appeared at the corners of Dan’s eyes, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care because for once in his life they were tears of _joy_. For the first time in six years, Dan was in touch with the music he made and was _happy_. What once brought him so much misery and pain was now transformed back into the enjoyment he hadn’t felt for so many years.

And the cause of his new outlook on life?

Phil Lester, the man who saved him.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I think I started writing this in March and its FINALLY done.
> 
> Thats the longest fic I've ever written and holy shit was it hard work.
> 
> Its inspired off the anime Your Lie In April and I say inspired beause I watched about 5 episodes, starting writing this and forgot about it lol.
> 
> Find me on tumblr [@serenehowell](serenehowell.tumblr.com)


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